realinterrobang (realinterrobang) wrote,

Quotes, I Am A Bad Girl Edition

Canadian Tire sells poop-emoji slippers.

Why do I insist on learning things that cannot make me happier?
-- Irfon-Kim Ahmad and James Nicoll, Facebook, comments

[I]t will never get old watching Reagan-worshippers on Fox News, elsewhere hollering about how actors shouldn't talk politics
-- @swin24, Twitter, h/t anton_p_nym

I don’t especially like children . . . At least not as a group. I won’t let anybody get away with anything just because he’s little.
-- "Goodnight Moon" author Margaret Wise Brown, quoted in Susannah Cahalan, "‘Goodnight Moon’ author was a bisexual rebel who didn’t like kids," New York Post

My Saturday night was a flop because the goats ate the leather.
-- JamesWimberley, Lawyers, Guns, and Money, comments

Mr. Goss' letter is sixteen pages long, plus fourteen more pages of tables and graphs, and the kind of calculations that nearly caused me to flunk out of senior math in high school, and but for the generosity of my math teacher Jerry Murphy, I'd be in my forty-second year trying to graduate from high school.
-- Keith Olbermann, "The Resistance: How Our New Corporate Overlords Plan to Thrive," YouTube

The emergence of Sarah Palin as a political force was when I knew that the barrel was growing a new bottom.
-- Andy Wilson, Facebook, comments

Climate change aside, the cause of Palestinian statehood is the central obsession of contemporary global politics. It’s also its least examined assumption. Would a Palestinian state serve the cause of Mideast peace? This used to be conventional wisdom, on the theory that a Palestinian state would lead to peace between Israel and its Arab neighbors, easing the military burdens on the former and encouraging the latter to address their internal discontents.

Today the proposition is ridiculous. No deal between Jerusalem and Ramallah is going to lift the sights of those now fighting in Syria, Iraq or Yemen. Nor will a deal reconcile Tehran and its terrorist proxies in Lebanon and Gaza to the existence of a Jewish state. As for the rest of the neighborhood, Israel has diplomatic relations with Turkey, Jordan and Egypt, and has reached pragmatic accommodations with Saudi Arabia and other Gulf states.

What about the interests of Palestinians? Aren’t they entitled to a state? Maybe. But are they more entitled to one than the Assamese, Basques, Baloch, Corsicans, Druze, Flemish, Kashmiris, Kurds, Moros, Native Hawaiians, Northern Cypriots, Rohingya, Tibetans, Uyghurs or West Papuans—all of whom have distinct national identities, legitimate historical grievances and plausible claims to statehood?
-- Bret Stephens, "On Palestinian Statehood," The Wall Street Journal

Leitch is campaigning on a platform that is flimsy and cynical. She’s chosen to exploit the fears and resentments among some white people toward immigrants. She believes in freedom, but freedom to be like her, not to be like you.
-- Bruce Anderson, "Why Nick Kouvalis’s politics don’t deserve a platform," Maclean's, h/t anton_p_nym

An elitist is a competent, accomplished person who believes something contrary to the current needs of modern conservatism.
-- Bizarro Mike, Alicublog, comments

I'm genuinely surprised that my kid's first word wasn't "fuck"
-- Ghastlycitrus, Reddit, comments

[P]eople should not confuse winning the Battle of Midway or Stalingrad with winning the war. And the fact that yes, bad shit is still gonna happen does not render averting a catastrophe useless.
-- Harold Feld, Facebook

I no russia puppet. there would be a hole where my butt am.
-- @ProBirdRights, Twitter

The brain is like jelly, and can be impressively compressed while still maintaining its function. The most impressive case I have personally seen was a patient who had a benign and slow growing tumor in the front of his skull. This essentially filled the front half of his brain cavity, squishing the brain into the back half. As a result he had frontal lobe dysfunction, which clinically looked like schizophrenia, and amazingly otherwise had very few neurological deficits on exam. In fact he was misdiagnosed with schizophrenia for 20 years (in fairness he was lost to medical follow up for this entire time). When he finally presented for evaluation we found the tumor, which the surgeons removed. Over the next week his brain slowly re-expanded to fill the now vacant skull, and he returned to fairly normal functioning.
-- Steven Novella, "Man Living with 10% of His Brain?", NeuroLogica Blog

I’m so fucking exhausted with these assholes either voting for the Trumps of the world or failing to vote against them, safe and secure (they think) in the knowledge that “someone will stop it.” “Someone” means Democrats. There’s nobody else left – the last thirty years have seen to that. If you keep piling all the responsibilities for that sort of thing on Democrats while simultaneously continuing to hobble them, you’re going to wake up one day and discover that the magic fairy that picked up your room, washed your clothes, put your food on the table, and paid for this house is no longer there to help you.
-- Chris, Balloon Juice, comments

I’m not sure what 2016 was like in your timeline, but here, “too absurd” lost all meaning sometime around April.
-- (((Malaclypse))), Lawyers, Guns, and Money, comments

Oh no. Trump's got streep throat. Could be fatal.
-- Roger Ailes, Facebook, comments

It’s fair to bemoan that politics is too often cynical, ruthless, amoral. But people notice when you stop bemoaning political thuggery for a moment, and heap praise on it. Starved for revenues, news organizations are drawn to the sensational. U.S. cable news shows spent months currying favour with Donald Trump so that he would call into their shows and boost ratings with his trademark rants—only to watch in too-late horror as he crushed a field that included probably a dozen people who were more qualified than he is.
-- Bruce Anderson, "Why Nick Kouvalis’s politics don’t deserve a platform," Maclean's, h/t anton_p_nym

I swear, it's times like these that I really wish the emperor Julian had been successful at restoring paganism to the Roman Empire.

Forget Julian. If only Hannibal had finished the job after Cannae.
-- mds and mgmonklewis, Alicublog, comments

[A] new friend Rob faced likely death from hepatitis C within the next two years. He was a kind and spiritual volunteer at my yoga teacher’s Portland studio whom I’d gotten to know over the past year. Medications can cure hepatitis C, but they cost more than $90,000 in the U.S. Unfortunately, Rob’s state health insurance won’t pay for these medications until he’s nearly dead. Gilead, the makers of the life-saving medications regularly run ads entitled “Forget Me Not,” but they have forgotten Rob and people like him; their ads are for the wealthy and the well-insured.
-- Jeff Reifman, "The Gift of Brain Surgery,"

My family gatherings consist of everyone getting into epic fights, only way to preserve the peace is to start to drink. Our personal stalingrad occurred when my aunt gave my other aunt a dildo and told her to go fuck herself for everyone's sake. Cake was thrown and guns were drawn.
-- ooo-ooo-oooyea, Reddit, comments

[O]nce you have a kid to feed, you'll do whatever it takes to keep your job, even if it's putting up with wage and benefit decreases. You're not organizing, you're not negotiating a raise, you're not arguing about doing the work of two people since Bob was let go because you're just glad it wasn't YOU. Kids = obligations = lack of options/power for workers. That works out great for someone but it ain't you.
-- Mindee Waltz, Facebook, comments

There is no room for a two-fold justice, one for 'Aryans' and 'Nordics', and another one for Social Democrats, Communists, Liberals, Jews, and Pacifists. Don't say it's your affair. It concerns the whole world when we in the United States conduct a lynching...The world is also concerned when you commit similar injustice. In your country, injustice is committed every day, every hour. What are you doing to Catholics, Communists, Social Democrats, Jews? What atrocities are committed behind the wall of your horrible concentration camps? I see your papers.
-- former YMCA US national secretary Sherwood Eddy, quoted in Andrew Nagorski Hitlerland: American Eyewitnesses to the Nazi Rise to Power, quoted in screenshots on Twitter, h/t anton_p_nym

The problem is that conservatives think that everywhere in the universe is supposed to be their safe space.
-- DrDick, Lawyers, Guns, and Money, comments

I still want to find my way back to the timeline where there’s no butterfly ballot, and Gore wins Florida and the 2000 election.
-- low-tech cyclist, Balloon Juice, comments

I'm making pee jokes because pointed criticism and appeals to decency didn't work and I have to have humour to keep me going
-- @SailorSoapbox, Twitter, h/t anton_p_nym

Vocabulary's all I got that's paid for.
-- John Konopak, Facebook, comments

When my sister and I were little (sis was 4, I was 2) she hit me in the face. As punishment, my parents told her she had to pay $1 for hitting me. My sister handed my parents $2, said "The extra $1 is for this" and smacked me in the face again.
-- crrrenee, Reddit, comments

Since the presidential election, reports of hate crimes and bias in the Philadelphia area have tripled over that period the year before, says Robin Burstein of the local Anti-Defamation League. From 24 to 74. Rue Landau of the city Commission on Human Relations said that since Election Day her office has investigated 38 hate crimes. That's more than they usually handle in an entire year. "I have never seen anything like this," Landau said.
-- Mike Newall, "Counting stones and broken glass, post election," Philadelphia Inquirer

I brought a picture of Harry Potter and asked if she could just do a scar like his. She laughed and said, “No.”
-- Jeff Reifman, "The Gift of Brain Surgery,"

Every time I hear one of those fucking turds waxing poetic about how “exciting!” it is to live in a free market, it reminds me of that scene at the beginning of the Hunger Games where the main character volunteers to take her sister’s place and the only thing the clueless announcer can say is “oooo! That’s your sister, isn’t it? I just love that you’re so competitive!”
-- Chris, Balloon Juice, comments

TV execs are so sexist, even their sexism is sexist.
-- Tumblr user prokopetz, spotted on Facebook

Anything that Canada does can't be entirely revolutionary -- it's Canada. When I drive throuhg Toronto, it doesn't look like a bunch of Maoists.
-- Barack Obama, quoted in David Sirota, "Mr. Obama Goes to Washington," The Nation, June 2006

The first time I saw a man naked was in med school when we saw our first cadaver. Frankly, I think that sets you back a bit sexually.
-- Anonymous, quoted in Robbie Woods, "'I Should've Been A Firefighter.' Doctors Share Their Most Awkward Encounters With Patients.", Knowable

[W]ith some friends I was part of The Chain Reaction Vomiting Incident Of Which We Do Not Speak.
-- NudeEyeshadowPalette, Reddit, comments

I didn’t have to walk far from the hospital to see homeless people. Seattle has a booming economy…and record homelessness. Our local billionaires Paul Allen, Bill Gates and Jeff Bezos want credit for winning Super Bowls, obliterating polio and launching space tourism, but housing the homeless and helping them build futures isn’t sexy enough. We build endless skyscrapers for Amazon’s technological future, but we don’t fund housing for the least fortunate among us.
-- Jeff Reifman, "The Gift of Brain Surgery,"

Contrarians are often just douchebags who always want the last word.
-- GregB, Balloon Juice, comments

Not only was that not my cat, it wasn't even the usual not my cat. And the usual not my cat clearly doesn't want a new pal.

Isn't "the usual not my cat" some sort of venomous animal, contact-explosive, or volcano?

Those are all basically cats but I think you are thinking of 'Dear Kitty.'
-- James Nicoll and Josh Hoey, Facebook, comments

Kouvalis is described as a “low-information voter whisperer.” You know what this means. It’s code for the idea that voters who pay little attention can be told anything, and if you play to their jealousies and rages, you don’t need to do the hard work of coming up with and making a case for good public policy. The formula is simple: make some people angry at some other people. About what? Doesn’t really matter what.
-- Bruce Anderson, "Why Nick Kouvalis’s politics don’t deserve a platform," Maclean's, h/t anton_p_nym

Chemistry is merely physics of the last electron
-- Milleuros, Reddit, comments

[A]nyone genuinely concerned with the future of the Palestinians might urge them to elect better leaders, improve their institutions, and stop giving out sweets to celebrate the murder of their neighbors.
-- Bret Stephens, "On Palestinian Statehood," The Wall Street Journal

[Star Wars is] also a quiet deconstruction of the alpha male cowboy gunfighter rugged individualist stereotype, as Han looks, talks, and shoots the part, but actually spends the entire trilogy being pushed around and rescued by forces stronger than himself. When you meet him, he’s a cog in the Jabba machine, one that’s in deep shit because he just pissed off the boss. The machine eventually catches up to him, because of course it does, and what saves him then isn’t his lone ranger act but the fact that he’s made close friends who’d risk their lives for him.

The entire plot of the Empire Strikes Back also feeds into this, as you watch Han pulling every crazy stunt he can think of in a gloriously awesome chase sequence, only to get caught in the end because when you’re one man against the system, of course that’s what happens.
-- Chris, Balloon Juice, comments

I have discovered the hard way that stuff that's hilarious in my brain becomes threatening or offensive when I actually say it.
-- James Nicoll, Facebook, comments

It's often seemed to me that the Kennedy assassination has, um, makes a kind of analogy to Hamlet, that the King is dead. The King is murdered, and there's a mystery surrounding the murder. Yet no Fortinbras has arrived. And, um, the society somehow cannot cleanse itself until some...something like that happens. And it seems to me that the showing of that brutal film, again and again, reminds us that we're not clean, yet; that, uh, there's still something rotten in the State of Denmark, that, uh, we still await some...some conclusion, some conclusion that might free us, you know, from that limousine and that explosion, and that sunny day in Dallas.
-- Josiah Thompson, author of Six Seconds in Dallas, interviewed in The Zapruder Footage: The World's Most Famous Home Movie

Never, ever, ever try to cook bologna with the spice curry. It will not work. You will spit it out, it’s horrible.
-- The Bologna Cookbook, quoted in Ian Austin, "What in the World: Newfoundland Is Big on Bologna: Fried, Stewed and Layered Like a Cake," New York Times

How many children have you? I have 50 books.
-- "Goodnight Moon" author Margaret Wise Brown, quoted in Susannah Cahalan, "‘Goodnight Moon’ author was a bisexual rebel who didn’t like kids," New York Post
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