Current location:	at my desk
Current mood:	annoyed
Current music:	"Before," Infected Mushroom

Quotes, Fifty-Seven Card-Carrying Whats in the Where, Now? Edition
It occurs to me that a theologically engaged atheism is very much like a stork-conscious approach to family planning.
-- DaveL, Pharyngula, comments

I was thinking just the other day how fortunate I am that I entered the workforce just a few brief years before pantyhose became optional rather than required. And praises the Jaysus himself that I wasn’t yet out of school when the suit blouses with the gigantic bows died a long overdue death.
-- Jennifer, Sadly, No!, comments

I was just reading a memoir by a woman who had a friendship with Bernie Madoff over 20 years. She was married. She and her husband took out a mortgage on their home and invested the proceeds with Madoff. There was one clear warning. Madoff refused to answer any questions about his investment, saying "I don't have time to answer everybody's questions." If you rely on a Higher Power, or God, or having Bernie Madoff for a close friend, you're going to lose everything. Eventually. A huge lesson in life, even greater than AA meetings, would be realizing that the Pope and Bernie Madoff refuse to answer the same questions.
-- Bill Hays, Roger Ebert's Journal, comments

Girl Scout on station tour upon entering newsroom: “It smells like news in here.”
-- from Overheard in the Newsroom

The only statement I want to make is that I am an innocent man convicted of a crime I did not commit. I have been persecuted for twelve years for something I did not do. From God’s dust I came and to dust I will return, so the Earth shall become my throne.
-- last words of Cameron Todd Willingham, quoted at Hullabaloo

Remember Newton's Third Law of Motion that states "for every action there is an equal opposite reaction"? It's different in politics: "For every Democratic action there is a monstrously disproportionate Republican reaction".
-- PaulW, Balloon Juice, comments

Which part of our current political environment is the leftist utopia?

Need a hint plz.
-- Thorlac, Sadly, No!, comments

Marc Garneau (in French): There is no one here to take your call. If you leave a message we will call you back.
Mission Control: Parlez Anglais.
Conversation between the bilingual astronaut and the unilingual ground control concerning answering a morning wake-up call aboard the Space Shuttle Challenger, 11 Oct 1984, Qu in Macleans 22 Oct 1984
-- from Canadian Quotations, whimsy.org.uk

Mom: I've told you to stop cursing so much!
Daughter: And I've told you, if I stopped cursing all the time, the other words in my sentences would get lonely!
-- from Overheard in New York

America- founded by people too uptight for England.
-- spondee, Pharyngula, comments

What exactly do they mean by family values?

"My family has more value than yours."
-- Demo Woman and SGEW, Balloon Juice, comments

How do you know Jesus is Japanese?
Because he loves miso.
-- Hoosier X, Sadly, No!, comments

Why did Jesus cross the road?
For a change after having rode the cross.
-- Dragon-King Wangchuck, Sadly, No!, comments

For the record, I do think women are people. In turn, I suppose that makes me a misogynist, because I frigging hate people.
-- Captain Mike, Pharyngula, comments

You know, this time of night--or morning---my brain just goes..."Is their name really Concerned Women of/for/whatthefuckever America? Really? I mean...Really?! How about bitchy fussbudgets of the apocalpse? How about Batshit Biddies of the Beltway?”
-- ginmar, Pandagon, comments

I can't decide if I want to make out with you, send you flowers, or BE you. Maybe all three.
-- Athenae, No More Mister Nice Blog, comments

I've always maintained that by the time Republicans get through with America, the whole country will look like New Orleans, only with lousier food and uglier architecture.
-- John Doheny, Hullabaloo, comments

These days, I’m a socialist piece of, um, stuff because I assert that we might have something to learn from the Swiss health care system, or that debt projections aren’t quite as awful as you may have heard.
-- Paul Krugman, "Summer of hate," Paul Krugman Blog

This Moment of Pedantry is brought to you by the Eagle Hand Laundry. Friends, does your eagle have dirty mitts…?
-- Pere Ubu, Sadly, No!, comments

I saw a bumper sticker: "I Don't Trust the Liberal Media," with "liberal" perhaps uncoincidentally in red. "Yeah," I said, "And if Rush said grass was red, you'd say, 'You know something? It IS red. Why didn't we ever notice before?'" Now, of course, the media are the purveyors of truth, just the way the Republicans are now the champions of the downtrodden. Somewhere, il Signore Macchiavelli is smiling.
-- Dean Keeton, Hullabaloo, comments

You write the way piranha feed – if piranha were actually tiny dimpled ballerinas with big shiny fangs.
-- jim, Sadly, No!, comments

If my home state is pro-life, I am Tinkerbell, and though I am a fairy, I ain’t got wings.
-- KeithG, Balloon Juice, comments, on Texas

I've always called it Scientology Unplugged.
-- Ericb, Pharyngula, comments, on Mormonism

Personally, Good Old Dirty Hippie Jesus and I are fine. The insanely wealthy, corrupt, lying, often-openly-racist scumbags in His employ claiming to speak with His voice are seriously on my nerves, though. Those assholes and I have agreed to get divorced and I make no promises to be polite to them at the holidays for the sake of the children.
-- Athenae, "Oh Noes," First Draft

If they sincerely want to shaft themselves, I ain’t going to stand in their way. If they want to go and found Seatopia or Freedonia or whatever, I don’t mind. The fool who persists in his folly becomes wise, one way or another. The problem I have is when they decide their idiocy applies to everyone, on a national level. Of course, being a compassionate liberal, I hate to see them being so stupid. But if they really want to dig their own graves, who am I to deny them access to shovels?
-- Pere Ubu, Sadly, No!, comments

Eh, who cares about all of this journalism, smernalism.. I'm gonna go watch 'Ow My Balls!' on my toilet recliner.
-- Crashman06, Balloon Juice, comments

I propose we shape the political discourse to fit events thusly:

Thug: ....healthcare is socialism scaaaaaaary -
You: Dude, Hurricane Katrina.
Thug: ...national security bugaboo -
You: Sorry, Hurricane Katrina.
Thug: ...gift certificate Black president -
You: Wanker, you lost me at Hurricane Katrina.
Thug: ...forgetting 9/11 -
You: You forgot Hurricane Katrina. So forget you.
-- Tata, Driftglass, comments

And why, you might ask, is freethought so strong in the north? Why do so many up here appreciate that there are, in fact, no gods? Well, let's put it this way: have you ever had to get up at five am to shovel the driveway... and it's still almost as dark as midnight, 'cos the sun's not coming up 'til eight... and it's cold enough the frostbite would take all of two minutes on any skin you left exposed... and still, you put in two hours of risking a heart attack to dig out the car...

... And then, just as you're almost read to fire 'er up, the plow comes by and plows you back in?
-- AJ Milne, Pharyngula, comments

A smart marketing guy told me years ago that in America all you have to do to be a leader is find a parade and get in front of it.
-- Jager, Hullabaloo, comments

This wins four whole fried Internets and a Coke.
-- kingubu, Sadly, No!, comments

I'm boycotting TV. Hopefully, if enough people do that it will eventually go away.
-- Scruffy McSnufflepuss, Balloon Juice, comments

I suppose, that in an ad market where we are inundated with ads for things you can't buy (pharmaceuticals available only by prescription), that companies advertising things they'll refuse to sell you is a logical progression.
-- pbg, Hullabaloo, comments

Bush has made true the statement "what is good for General Motors is good for America". Except it isn't General Motors, but Halliburton.
-- Steve Gilliard, "The Great Betrayal," The News Blog, August 2003

Bruce Springsteen occasionally gets flack for his political remarks, but he doesn't get called a slut.
-- Jim Lewis, "No More Whistlin' Dixie," Slate, 25 April 2003, on the Dixie Chicks

[The name Bork] contains equal parts Pork, Borg, Dork, and Bonk, with pinches of Barf and Fuck added for extra flavor.
-- Snorghagen, Sadly, No!, comments, on Robert Bork