The Real Interrobang -- You STILL Can't Do That On Slashdot|
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|Friday, September 30th, 2016|
|Quotes, It's Raining, I'm Broke, and a Job Evaporated Edition
Lotsa Facebook quotes in this one. Deal.
I have always assumed Churchill's dread revanent is in Number 10's basement, sustained by the souls of back benchers who disappointed their Prime Ministers.
-- James Nicoll, Facebook, comments
I think we can thank fucking Reagan and his seditionist crew for 35 years of banging the drum, "Government is not the solution to our problem; government is the problem." Thirty five fucking years.
-- Mo, Gin and Tacos, comments
[B]ullying students to avoid majoring in theater or Spanish is fun! And really, what would the knowledge of a foreign language or the ability to write effectively add to a employer?
-- Erik Loomis, "Shorter STEM Experts: Please Invest in the Humanities!", Lawyers, Guns, and Money
Horses are man's other best friend.
-- MidevalExponents, imgur, comments
A cop pulls me over for doing 10 (km/h) over the speed limit. Trying to come up with a witty line he says, "Let me see your pilot's license." So, I took out my wallet and produced my pilot's license. He let me go.
-- Anonymous Reddit user, in David Karrel, "29 People Share Their Worst 'Ask A Stupid Question, Get A Stupid Response' Moments.", Knowable( And I"m getting a headache. Goodnight.Collapse ) Current Mood: sick
|Monday, September 26th, 2016|
|Quotes, Trying to Think of Other Things Edition
I was born on a US Air Force base in Tokyo in 1964. My father was a fighter pilot and the planes his squadron flew were the F-105, a fighter/bomber designed to carry a nuclear payload. Years ago I asked him why he was stationed there, and he said the plan was that if the Russians or the Chinese nuked the USA, he and his squadron would fly to Vladivistok or some other target and drop their nukes on it. "Then what?" I asked. He just shrugged his shoulders. And there would've been no wife and kiddies to go home to even if they'd made it back, by the way. That was the plan. Fucking madness.
-- Dave Rock, Facebook, comments
"I'm white enough. I'm racist enough. And doggone it, people like me."
-- Brother Yam, Alicublog, comments
What I wish to do, is actually just be me. If something bothers me, I say so. If something is wrong, I speak up no matter what. I simply began refusing to allow racist bullshit to fly. Or walk. I’m practically functioning as a NYC Cop on racist bullshit; racist bullshit get stopped and frisked when I’m around.
Racist bullshit gets profiled and stopped for near-petty reasons, and gets beat up and maybe killed for it’s failure to comply.
-- Johnny Silvercloud, "I'm Losing Tons of Friends Fighting Racism. And I'm Totally OK With That.", Afrosapiophile
using microsoft word
*moves an image 1mm to the left*
all text and images shift. 4 new pages appear. in the distance, sirens.
-- Twitter user @gossipgrill, spotted at imgur
Medievalism is no match for modernity.
-- Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, speech to the UN General Assembly, September 22, 2016( Sigh...Collapse ) Current Mood: annoyed
|Sunday, September 25th, 2016|
|Glad my landlady lives 200km away right now...
...because it's saving me from assault charges.
Having had a chance now to inspect the garden up close, the damage is much worse than I thought. About 99.9% of all
the mint is gone, looks to have been torn out by the roots. (I had spearmint, chocolate mint, pineapple mint, and orange mint.) According to my housemate, she tore it out because she was "trying to make room for other plants," never mind that I was growing the mint for reasons. (I like mint, it's edible, I use it in tons of things, the flowers attract and feed bees, it smells nice, I can give it to cabdrivers of Indian and Middle Eastern descent to get into their good books...)
She left the grawlixin' ivy alone, and that stuff is neither edible nor aromatic nor particularly butterfly- or bee-friendly, but grows like, well, like ground-cover ivy. (It's basically there to deter [other] weeds.) Fucking hell. Two days ago there was a huge
mint patch there with a lot of new green growth on it. Today, there's a bunch of straggly ivy, a lot of broken stems, and fuck all else. I'm not even sure it'll even grow back by next
spring, but fuck it, with luck, G-d willing, insha'allah, I won't be living here then and she can do whatever the fuck she likes with it without inconveniencing me and depriving me of the produce of my kitchen garden.
I don't know whether I want to punch something or cry, to be honest. Fuuuuuuuuuuck...I am sooooooooo
pissed off. Current Mood: angry
|Saturday, September 24th, 2016|
|And Happy Harvest to You, Too!
Landlady came over today and cut my mint down almost to the ground, in the guise of "tidying up the garden," I guess because she thought it looked untidy or something (but didn't trim back the ivy that's trying to eat the house again). I was waiting for a good crop of new growth after I had picked most of the earlier new growth off, as I wanted to make more mint chutney. I was hoping to do that this week, but now probably won't get any more this fall unless we have a lot of rain + unseasonably warm temperatures + late frost...
I hope she left my grapevine alone. I have plans for it...plans that involve rice and lemon juice. Current Mood: pissed off
|Friday, September 23rd, 2016|
|Izzy Rides Again (...Sort Of)
Izzy just tried to jump up on the window so he could brace his back feet on the bottom pane and look out the open top pane (how the window is usually configured in my bedroom, because the screen is not Izzy-proofed).
There's just one tiny minor problem. We're in my office, and the bottom
pane is open.
He jumped up and got his back feet on the top of the bottom pane, which promptly slid most of the way closed, dislodging him, and sending him flying, and me into a fit of boom-laughing.
Doofus. Current Mood: amused
|Thursday, September 22nd, 2016|
|Quotes, There Is Still Pus In My Face Edition
[H]ave I ever told you the story of how I put a campfire out by accident? Probably, but it occurred to me again anyway, so there. My sister and I were camping with our Dad, way the hell back. It was at a Provincial park, a sandy lot with a stone-edged firepit and a table-shaped grill cemented on top. Enough room for a decent cooking fire, but designed to dissuade bonfires. It would have been around dusk, because Dad had already set the fire, and we were still up. He had just left to go to the euphemistically named comfort station down the way (which had a person lying in bed for the official iconography; this has always confused me; I'd have gone with a stick figure in Rodin's Thinker pose) and I realized that I had to pee. So I told my sister I was going to pee on the fire.
[My sister] thought this was a very bad idea, and said so. Bear witness that [she] is now a socially and financially successful woman, and I am not.
I laughed, unzipped at the edge of the firepit, and let loose. I will never forget the sight of my pee sizzling, bubbling and evaporating from the grill like water on the sauna rocks we had at home. No, I never peed on the sauna rocks. Burnt my ass on them once, but never that. I underestimated both the strength of the fire, and the capacity of my bladder, because by the time I was done... so were the flames. Things were suddenly a lot less hilarious, and deniable. Then Dad came back from the johns.
"JASON PEED IN THE FIRE AND IT WENT OUT!" [my sister] informed him. I think Dad is part cartoon character. Not only does he do an impeccable Donald Duck, but when he gets mad, I swear to God he speaks in those flurries of lightning bolts, skulls, swirls and dust clouds you see in the funny pages. I soon learned that campsites have corners, because I got to sit in one and stare out at the wilderness for a good long while before thrashing my way into my sleeping bag. I don't think Dad relit the fire that night.
-- Jason Peebiscuit Aylen, Facebook
So few of us have a properly developed case-consciousness.
-- geraldfnord, Alicublog, comments
I get paid by the word.
-- Air traffic controller known as "Kennedy Steve," from "Kennedy Steve: Incredible Routing!", YouTube
There are more airplanes in the ocean than submarines in the sky.
-- Robcofounder, Reddit, comments
Canada is made up of people who are on the wrong side of history. All of them in their own way are losers of history and yet, by becoming Canadian, they have become winners of history.
-- former Conservative MP Jason Kenney (Calgary), quoted in John Paul Tasker, "Kenney bids adieu to Parliament Hill after 20 years," CBC News( TIL that *that* thing is *actually* called a <i>nasal speculum</i>.Collapse ) Current Mood: sick
|Wednesday, September 21st, 2016|
|Terrorists are Often Not Stupid, But Donald Trump Is
So, Donald Trump wants to profile potential terrorists based on their appearance and sex
, apparently. He said that he wouldn't be concerned about "a woman who is 87 years old in a wheelchair from Sweden," but that the security apparat should be profiling people from the Arab world, essentially, based on that they "look" Muslim, or Arab. This, of course, is a really stupid strategy, because it essentially puts up a giant flashing orange highway sign telling any terrorist plotters where their next big exploitable loophole is, kind of like putting up a website with "Hi! I'm vulnerable to string literal attacks! Please hack me!" on the top of every page.
Sooo...if I were a terrorist mastermind looking to circumvent Trump style "security" measures, I'd be recruiting and looking to radicalise white people, because Trump and pretty much the entire US right are so focused on Arab-looking people that they forget that light-skinned people do terrorism too. Lots of violent and heavily-armed neo-Nazis, Christian Identity idiots, paranoid preppers, and militia-nut nitwits out there just waiting for someone to say that the "RaHoWa
" is on, or whatever the outrage du jour
is, and all of them whiter than a marshmallow sandwich with mayo on Wonder Bread.
And if I were an Islamic terrorist mastermind specifically, I'd be trying hard to recruit and radicalise white converts (like, for instance, our very own so-called "Jihad John
," with his pale skin and everything
), Muslims from the Balkans like the Bosniaks
, and Muslims from the Central Asian former Soviet Union countries, many of whom could pass for Chinese
, and the Uighurs, who are
Chinese, albeit not Han. Or even some of the light-skinned, light-eyed people from Afghanistan and area (like Sharbat Gula, the famous "Afghan Girl
"). Not an "Arab-looking" one in the bunch. There are also light-haired and light-eyed Palestinians, particularly from the northern areas, for what it's worth.
I'm pretty smart, but I'm not the cleverest person in the world, so I can't be the only one to have thought of this. And so with Trump advocating this stupid policy, and his supporters' saying "We have to do what Trump says and go after Arabs it only makes sense wharrrgarrrbl!", they're only making this particular giant loophole even more
visible for people who really do
mean ill. Side Note, from TLV:
Trump praises Israeli security methods in his speech, but he also fundamentally misunderstands Israeli profiling
, which is behaviour-based, somewhat unpredictable, and uses as one of its tools a series of semi-random questions about the traveller's itinerary, schedule, business in Israel, and so on. I've been through this process myself twice. One of the questions they asked me the first time was if I was "affiliated with a synagogue," but that didn't happen to me the second time. I've heard some people say that the security asks them what the books of the Torah are, for instance, or similarly other weird and oddball questions. The purpose is to sort of catch you off-guard and see if your reactions look hinky or just kind of "huh, wha?" And yes, there is some anti-Muslim racism in Israel proper, but it really isn't as bad as people who haven't been there think it must be. Current Mood: tired
|Tuesday, September 20th, 2016|
|Quotes, Let's Do This Again Edition
[My father] was stationed in Japan after WWII and a Japanese worker once asked him, "Why do all the white soldiers say shit and all the black soldiers say motherfucker?"
-- Paul, Gin and Tacos, comments
NASA personnel are, like, the top nerds. The alpha nerds. The absolute nerdiest nerds. The nerds other nerds look to for nerdspiration.
-- Tumblr user systlin, spotted on imgur
World War Two joke: “When the German planes fly overhead, Allied soldiers duck. When the British planes fly overhead, German soldiers duck. When the American planes fly overhead, everybody ducks.”
-- CP, Lawyers, Guns, and Money, comments
Trust me buddy, with the large amount of masterbating I do, one word that can't be used to describe me is 'self-hating.'
-- Bill Keenan, Facebook, comments
[C]hocolate is why some men are in touch with their feminine side
Any man who brings me chocolate can touch my feminine side all he wants.
-- Sebastian and shay simmons, Science-Based Medicine, comments( Yet more.Collapse ) Current Mood: dirty
|Sunday, September 18th, 2016|
|Quotes, If You Build It, He Will Go Edition
lol Canada was excited by the return of the long-form census and had 98% compliance
We like surveys
That might be the most obscure cultural phenomena.
I'm Canadian and I actually fucking love surveys...
It's like a test but we know all the answers!
we are the answers
-- Querce, UnicornProfessional, liquid_courage, Zwaanzy, Morvictus, dartsmarks, and cnaiurbreaksppl, Reddit, comments
I once opened my front door to discover one of the local ferals showing her kittens where I live. And once I opened my door to find a very optimistic skunk, who I admit I did not immediately spot was not a tuxedo cat. It was very forlorn not to be allowed in. Once it was a swarm of bees. That was not as much fun.
-- James Nicoll, Facebook, comments
Tripe's not bad; you just have to boil it for about three days to make it edible.
-- bill, Alicublog, comments
You're the fucking best at being your weird brand of you.
-- Sarah, Gin and Tacos, comments
We gave out sweets and everyone said, "You're celebrating as if it's a boy."
-- Adha Devi, mother of Delhi gang rape victim Jyoti Singh, in translation, interviewed in "India's Daughter"( 2016, you suck!Collapse ) Current Mood: sleepy
|Friday, September 16th, 2016|
|Tuesday, September 13th, 2016|
|Quotes, Edición Baile de los Exeggutores
Those are some nice means of production, Mr Trump. It would be a shame if somebodies were to seize them
-- Waylon Wolf Guts Lawrence, Facebook, comments
Corporations are really the Elder Gods of Lovecraft
-- billcinsd, Alicublog, comments
There is nothing worse for a cat than trying to herd humans.
-- genuinerysk, Reddit, comments
Liberty! Gynecology!! Modernity!!!
-- Lee Rudolph, Lawyers, Guns, and Money, comments
im never date a femisnism. even though I always get asked all the time every day all of the time. A lot.
-- @ProBirdRights, Twitter( ¡Baila, baila, baila!Collapse ) Current Mood: tired
|Friday, September 9th, 2016|
|Wednesday, September 7th, 2016|
|Quotes, When Bad Things Happen to Bad People Edition
About 20 years ago I worked at a place that laid me off after ten years of employment. I was told suddenly on a Friday that they wanted to get rid of the "dead wood" (his exact words) even though I'd been one of the hardest working people in the place, coming in weekends, staying late when necessary etc. A week later the owner called me and asked me to work freelance because they were getting backed up after I'd been laid off. I wish I could say I told him to fuck off, but I needed the money. Had a family to support. I went back and worked about six weekends, picking up all the slack. He paid me cash out of his wallet.
-- Nelson, Alicublog, comments
Words have become interchangeable and rendered meaningless, if you don't like the words I said yesterday well, here's some fresh new ones for you today.
-- Dale Brabb. Facebook, comments
I think skepticism, perhaps solely for me, is coming to the realization that I must
trust genuine experts and authorities in the relevant literature. Part of the challenge, therefore, becomes identifying who they are.
-- WLU, Science-Based Medicine, comments
Do I need an adult that adults more than I adult? Because I feel like I need an adult that adults more than I adult.
-- bufferkiller, imgur, comments
LOOK, I know this is very Canadian of me, but I have to say it: Gimli Glider > Captain Sully Incident, where is our Tom Hanks movie.
-- @Nicole_Cliffe, Twitter, h/t anton_p_nym( And I"m still sick and can"t go to the doctor"s until tomorrow. Piss.Collapse ) Current Mood: sick
|I Stand By My Initial Contention that These People Are Assholes, Regardless of What Happened to Them
When the Charlie Hebdo terrorist attacks happened, I said I was squeamish about people lionising them
as these great promoters and protectors of free speech and stuff. I thought a lot of their humour was basically predicated on being assholes to groups of people they didn't like.
I'm going to continue to stand by that opinion
This was their response to the Italian earthquake.Text reads "Tomato sauce penne, penne with grated cheese, lasagne."
When people got mad at them for making a really offensive joke, this was their response.Text reads "Italians... It wasn't Charlie Hebdo that built your houses, it was the Mafia!"
Yeah, nice, guys. And fuck you and your notions of "free speech" too. Current Mood: annoyed
|Tuesday, September 6th, 2016|
|Another angry-making thing about my layoff almost 2 years ago now (fuck, has it been that long?!)
So, as you may or may not know, I lost my last good job over the objections of my boss, my district manager, and my project managers because some bean-counter three time zones away and in another country decided that "it didn't make business sense to support $my_role in $my_location."
About a year ago, I realised that when they said I was going to be laid off, I should have asked them to transfer me to where they would
support it. (I would have happily gone to where my group was based, even though it would have meant moving overseas because a) I liked my job, b) I liked my coworkers, and c) I like to eat.) But they didn't.
Just yesterday, I realised that this happened in a tech company that claims it doesn't give a shit where any of its workers actually sit in physical space
, and has an awful lot of emptyish buildings sitting around because a lot of its workers actually do work from home most of the time.
The more I think about this, the less sense it makes. Then again, I did notice that of the ten people who lost their jobs from our local office, six were women, which was double the percentage of women in the office total. (And one more woman almost
lost her job, but didn't through political maneuvering somehow.) This smells.
And there's also not a damn thing I can do about it.
I really need to get another job, preferably where I'm not going to get shit on after three years.
|Friday, September 2nd, 2016|
|Quotes, Can I Sleep Now Edition
Dude, did your ears hear what your mouth just said?
-- Kim Maser, Facebook, comments
Little known fact: too many head desks can lead to bilateral detached retinas.
-- EBMOD, Science-Based Medicine, comments
My dad always warned me about bathrooms; said that's where all the dicks hang out.
-- RoyceJulius, Reddit, comments
Once you realize it is no longer your bed, no longer your chair, and no longer your house, living with cats is pretty easy.
-- John Cole, "Mid Day Open Thread," Balloon Juice
Our field director went to Wal-Mart yesterday to register voters, and a hick approached him trying to get him to argue. He asked where he was from.
Field director: Queens. New York.
Hick: People from Queens don't understand how we do things down here.
Field director: Donald Trump is from Queens.
Hick: *Waddles to car silently, listing from direct hit to magazine*
-- coozledad, Alicublog, comments( I am wiped out, but too much to do!Collapse ) Current Mood: sleepy
|Thursday, September 1st, 2016|
|What Else is Lurking in the Permafrost
I'm given to understand that the Russian Ministry of Agriculture has pinned an anthrax outbreak on an anthrax-infected reindeer that had been buried in permafrost
for the last 75 years. You know what scares me the most about that story?
No, that is not a non-sequitur. There are a lot of bodies buried in similar locations of people who died in smallpox outbreaks, and smallpox can persist in scabs for a really long time, years in scabs that aren't frozen. The 1918 influenza virus
was reconstituted from frozen bodies from Alaska. How long can frozen smallpox persist, and what happens when those
bodies come to the surface?
Most people born after about the middle 1970s or so haven't even been vaccinated, and we sure as hell don't have any naturally-acquired immunity.
Sleep well tonight! Current Mood: blah
|Tuesday, August 30th, 2016|
|Quotes, Why is there No Porno Called "Roughing It In The Bush"? Edition
One day archeologists will rediscover the mysterious technology that allowed clothing designers to attach pockets to women’s clothes.
-- Shakezula, Lawyers, Guns, and Money, comments
Not all of my life is puns. Some of it is cat-induced surrealism.
-- James Nicoll, Facebook, comments
My 10YO daughter, who's read THE MARTIAN 7 times now, asked me who the first woman on the moon was. She's not pleased with the answer.
-- @scarequotes, Twitter h/t anton_p_nym
[Only seven times? Piker. -- ?!
Excuse me, but the word jackass has repeated crossed my mind in reference to you and I really must apologize to the beast that owns that name by associating you with it.
-- Wzrd1, Respectful Insolence, comments
You can lead a horse to water, but apparently can't make them read the nutritional label.
-- WLU, Science-Based Medicine, comments( Because there really should be.Collapse ) Current Mood: sick
|Sunday, August 28th, 2016|
|Friday, August 26th, 2016|
|Quotes, My Body Has Forgotten How to Temperature Edition
I'm going to enroll in that program I keep hearing about to become a lesbian farmer (although I did not think lesbians were grown from seeds -- well, live and learn).
-- Harold Feld, Facebook
Canada doesn't have normal seasons, like winter, spring, summer, and autumn. We have winter, summer, autumn, and November.
-- possiblyreal, Instagram, comments
I prefer "person who is an asshole."
-- NowHeDed, Reddit, comments
[S]ocialism been berra berra good to me.
-- Robert, Gin and Tacos, comments
Sodomy but not gomorrahmy.
-- MattF, Balloon Juice, comments( The Thing That"s Going Around has come around...Collapse ) Current Mood: sick